For anyone who has played Grand Theft Auto before (any of them), you will know just how silly some of the missions, characters, and cars can be. And that's part of what I think people love so much about the game. Sure, you can take your aggression out by shooting up a ton of things or people or you can go joyriding in whatever sports car you want, but there is an element of complete farce that makes the GTA franchise absolutely unrealistic. And that is what makes it the most appealing, I think. You know it's not accurate and you like that unreal feel.
Well, GTA has had a ton of vehicles with some pretty unreal feel over the years. One of the most recent of those vehicles would be the elusive Space Docker. There is also the Faggio which is a little electric scooter. Sure, it's not a car but I think it can still count as one of the ridiculous vehicles in the GTA series.
Now, there is something that is pretty common now with the way GTA5 is setup. Because it's all online it is very easy to modify cars in order to bring in real-life vehicles or very different and incredible strange vehicles. That being said, this article is only about some of the cool and crazy cars of the GTA franchise that are actually in the game; from the game. These aren't mods at all. So check out some of these interesting choices.
25 Silly - Zebra Cab
A zebra cab? Ok. I'm not quite sure where to begin with this one. First of all, the checkered cab, I get. I mean, it's still silly but it's been a staple of American culture for how long now? So I would forgive the checkered cab, but why on what creationists call god's green earth would you even think of putting zebra stripes on a cab? And bad ones at that! It looks like a pimp-mobile straight out of the 1970s. The only things that are missing are the fluffy dice hanging from the mirror, some nice shiny hubcaps and the driver wearing a hat with a feather on it. It just looks awful.
I'm sure it's fun to drive because it's not like anyone would ever really worry about crashing it (or at least when not on a mission) but still, come on Rockstar. You've done some crazy things but this is just weird. It's not particularly crazy by any means...but it's also not normal. I'm sure it made sense in their minds at the time to fit into whatever story for the missions you do with it. But that really doesn't change the fact that it's pretty darn strange.
24 Cool - Tezeract
First of all, I like the name. It makes me think about The Avengers. Secondly, this is a pretty dynamite-looking supercar. There is something about the way that Grand Theft Auto V really took on the cars in the game that is just breathtaking. The detail and the designs are awesome. I mean, it doesn't hurt that a lot of the car designs for the game were clearly taken from some real-life cars. That can't be much of a shocker. I mean, it was the GTA attempt of at least bringing some reality to the game.
You can still do all of the silly things you want to do while you're playing, but the cars will at least look pretty freaking real. And they will remind you of some pretty realistic cars as well.
For example, the Tezeract happens to be pretty heavily based on the Lamborghini Terzo Millennio. It pulls from elsewhere also but I'm sure you could see shades of a Lambo in the design of this car. It's pretty spot on, I'd say. And why not show appreciation to some real kick-ass cars? Sure, there have always been some references or a basis in reality but GTAV really takes the prize for doing this effectively.
23 Silly - Vapid Clown Van
Ok, this is just absurd, never mind ridiculous. I think this is a bit beyond that. Assuming that you've all played at least one GTA game at some point in your life, you will know that the subject matter isn't exactly the most PG overall. I mean...the game is called Grand Theft Auto after all, so it would be silly of anyone to assume that the game is going to have some pretty innocent subject matter. Keeping in mind how very awful the GTA series can be when it comes to some pretty perverse topics...I can't help but think it's really more than ridiculous to have a clown van with no windows in the back advertising a clown called Fiddler who is great with children.
I can't help but feel a little disgusted and a little uneasy. Now, of course, if I were playing the game myself and hopped into that van, I'm sure I'd have a great time driving it into things and eventually blowing it up but the initial message that this sends is pretty nasty and pretty disturbing. Even if it's pretty funny in the context of the game. Fiddler the clown...great with children. Man, there are some things that Rockstar just shouldn't touch sometimes...
22 Cool - Taipan
This is a pretty sexy car from the GTA universe. Like most of the hot cars in the game, it is heavily based off of something from real life. The Taipan is actually a sort of mixture of several different cars, as it happens. the brunt of the car design is pulled from what is no known as the fastest street-legal car in the world, the Hennessey Venom F5. Now, that is a pretty sweet machine.
But I did say that the Taipan is a mixture of several different cars. You may notice that the front end of the car more closely resembles a Ford GT (one of my personal favorites, as it so happens).
And in addition to those two beautiful cars giving the Taipan life, some of the rear design is based off of the McLaren P1. And let me tell you, if you didn't already know, that is one sweet machine that I will never have the money for. It's the nice thing about the GTA universe. You can drive these cars that are a mashup of some amazing real-life cars that you'll never be able to afford and will likely never get a chance to drive.
21 Silly - Space Docker
Well, I don't know that I really have to point out too much about this car in order for you to find it ridiculous. I think it pretty much speaks for itself, no? I mean...it looks like it's supposed to be a futuristic contraption of some sort but that's only because of the blue filament wrapped around the thing.
Otherwise, it's a bunch of scrap pieces of metal thrown together with trash cans on the back to mimic jets engines...I mean...I don't know how much more ridiculous you can get with this thing. It's pretty darned ridiculous. The blue glows at night when you're driving around. The headlights are an eerie green color...there is some weird sort of alien language scrawled along the bottom panels and the wings...it's all very ridiculous. Oh, and it has a special ability too, let's not forget. The BF Space Docker can fly! Well, not really. What it can do is glide for a brief distance after clearing a building or jumping a ramp. It's nothing too special but it can get from point A to point B a lot faster if there's a gap in the way. So, hey...at least it has its uses to make up a little for how silly it really is.
20 Cool - Sabre Turbo
The Sabre Turbo! This is a blast from the past. This is one of the cars that might be considered a classic now in the wide world of GTA, if for no other reason than that it was one of the frequently appearing cars in GTA Vice City. It was a pretty good-looking car, as you can tell but it had absolutely horrible handling.
You could get used to it and use the handbrake to your advantage when maneuvering corners so that you didn't have to think about how easy it otherwise is to crash the bloody thing, but it wasn't always easy.
I think the reason why I love this car so much though, in spite of its poor handling is that it's heavily based on some good 'ol classic American muscle cars. It's heavily influenced by the 1970 Oldsmobile Cutlass but it also has shades of other cars as well like the Chevelle SS, The Chevy Malibu, and the Buick GSX. There are even further details that get right down to the paint job and the headlights too. Bits and pieces taken from a Mustang Mach 1 and a Pontiac Firebird. I love that they basically just beefed up this muscle car with six other muscle cars...too bad it can't handle.
19 Silly - Rat Loader
Well, this is called the Rat Loader. Why it's called the Rat Loader? I have absolutely no idea. I'm going to assume that some redneck hunts rats with this truck or at least gets to his destination with this truck, hunts, then loads those rats onto the flatbed with all of the garbage heaped up on there. You can plainly see that it's a piece of crap car. It is based on a 1939 Chevrolet Pickup Truck and it has got a lot of work that needs doing to it. It's kind of ridiculous in almost every single way.
It's a very crappy drive, it doesn't handle well, it can only take a few bumps before the wheels lock up, and no matter how you modify the truck at a chop shop, you still can never get rid of that old-time-looking, rusty paint job. You can get rid of the trash and replace it with a regular flatbed and you can fix up most of the other damage too but it will always look like its old as well as fatal to the driver. But, that being said, pretty well every car in this game franchise can be fatal to the driver. That's nothing new.
18 Cool - Insurgent Pickup
Let me just show you the official description of this vehicle: "Ironically named light armored personnel vehicle. Perfect for crushing small rebellions in a dictatorship or wiping out peaceful protests in an alleged democracy. This model is fitted with a turret cannon." I think that says it all without saying all that much. Now, I'm not a fan of war or of death particularly. But I will say that this is a really cool vehicle. It might not be as well-suited to carry people in it as the original version simply because this is the pickup version which would leave people in the flatbed vulnerable...
That being said, this version comes with a cannon and that's pretty definitive in a fight, I think. This particular piece of light-armor is heavily based on the Terradyne Armored Vehicle. Now, I assumed that this sort of armor was American-made. It just makes sense. American is pretty big on the military and sending the troops all over the place. But Terradyne is actually a Canadian company! I did not see that coming at all! Basically, the big sister sitting above the U.S. telling them not to start wars, is the one who is building these light-armor vehicles that seem to be on the market privately.
17 Silly - Principe Faggio
"A certain kind of man drives a scooter. Is that you?" That's the tagline for the Principe Faggio, and while I would like to think that the people at Rockstar didn't have what you're thinking right now in mind, I have to say that it's pretty obvious that they are really very insensitive to any sort of political correctness, which I actually think can be a good thing.
I'm not saying I agree with what they're suggesting here with this ridiculous and silly scooter. What I am saying is that they can say whatever they want and call things whatever they want. GTA pulls few punches, but there are some punches they pull.
But not in the case of the fabulous, zebra-striped scooter that I think never should have seen the light of day. That being said, they are very easy to steal if someone's going by in one and there are no other vehicles around in the game so they do actually have their uses. And if you can't find a motorcycle and you have some narrow traveling to do, the Faggio can definitely get you from A to B...it'll just be much slower than what you might be used to with any other vehicle in the game.
16 Cool - Infernus Classic
According to Legendary Motorsport, "Experience tells you that anything this hot must be crazy, and you're not wrong. The Infernus Classic is the kind of car that'll dazzle you with its perfect cheekbones, empty your bank account, and once you're sleeping in the wet patch it'll finish you off with a rusty machete. What's not to love?"
That is a very messed up description of a car that is actually surprisingly old in design. Realize that I did already cover a muscle car that was built out of a ton of cars from the 70s but for a wicked sports car like this, you would expect some pretty recent influences like the McLaren P1 or the Hennessey Venom or something of that ilk. Instead, the biggest design influence for the Infernus classic is actually the Lamborghini Diablo. The Diablo is one of my personal favorites when it comes to Lambo but I'm still sort of surprised that there isn't a heavier reference to a Lambo like the Aventador or the Murcielago. I guess the Aventador wasn't made yet by the time Vice City came out though so it would make sense, to some extent, that the Infernus would have an older reference point.
15 Silly - Mr. Whoopee
This van...Oh, man. I don't know where to start with this one. Should I start with the pretty suggestive double whip scoops with cherries on the top of the van? Or should I start with the "It's cherry popping good" slogan along the side of the van? Hopefully, this terminology has survived long enough in the lives of your parents in order to reach you, or hopefully, you'll just be able to understand by my saying it but you do know what it means when someone is talking about "making whoopee," right?
If not, let's just say that calling an ice cream company (which is going to attract a lot more kids than anything else when you have a van touring around) Mr. Whoopee is pretty suggestive and disturbing in a number of ways. So, when I say that this is ridiculous, I think I mean to say that yes, this is a silly sort of ridiculous but also I mean to say that it is pretty well absurd as well. But there is something to be said for being rude and ridiculous in these games. I think it can be a positive outlet for that sort of silliness.
14 Cool - Hermes
"The Hermes is more legend than automobile. When all those 1960s classic muscle cars were still in diapers, the Hermes was already crawling down Eclipse Boulevard leaving a trail of unfiltered cigarettes and misogyny in its wake. With that kind of canvas you can paint a seriously offensive painting – and trust us, that eye-watering paint job is just the start." Yes! This was always one of my favorite cars from the playing Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. And no, it wasn't because of the cigarettes and misogyny either. It was all about the classic look and that cool paint job...and the fact that sometimes when you took off, flames would spout from the tailpipes.
Now, that's not all of the Hermes models out there. There was only a specific model that would spout flame and you had to snag it away from the Cuban gang in the game. I think they had the best and classiest car of all the gangs in Vice City...aside from the Lambo-looking Infernus or the Ferrari-looking Cheetah that could be sitting next to your own mansion (once you take it over anyway). But as a gang car, I have to say that the Cuban Hermes was some kind of wonderful.
13 Silly - Lawn Mower
Yup, because why not? Why not just have a random lawnmower at your fingertips so that you can...drive very slowly over people's yards and make them all angry. Realistically though, you actually can't really do anything with this lawn mower other than ride it very slowly. I actually think that the fact you cannot either cut grass or people with this thing is what makes it so ridiculous.
The game franchise is already so bloody silly (and so bloody) and yet they leave out perhaps one of the best opportunities for a vehicle to do harm. Sure, you could find a combine in some areas of some of the games but why not be able to ride over someone's foot with this and cause some serious issues?
I know it's not the point of the game, but in some ways, it is entirely the point of the game.
Most people I know do play some missions here and there but they are more concerned with the fun they can have by getting the cops on their ass and seeing how long they can last...or trying to take different vehicles off of ridiculous jumps...or seeing what damage they can do with some vehicles. How could they not give this lawnmower actual, functioning blades?
12 Cool - F620
"If this car could talk, it would say "I'm having a midlife crisis". Just cheaper than the divorce that'll result from having an affair with your personal assistant, but the two are by no means mutually exclusive." The descriptions for some of these cars by the "San Andreas' car companies are hilarious. Incredibly politically incorrect...but they are still hilarious. And I think that's why they are. But enough of that banter. Let's get on to the car itself. What do you think this bad boy is based on? Come on, guess!
Well, I bet you're at least partially wrong. This fairly smooth and streamlined car is based heavily on two different cars. The first being the Maserati GranTurismo. This is where the more exciting lines and shapes come from on this car. The second auto to influence this baby is the Jaguar XK. From the Jag, this car gets all of its smoother touches and finishes. It's not a bad little mash-up though I have to say that it is by no means the very best either. That being said, I'm not saying that I wouldn't drive this car at all. Whether in game or in real life, if I could have a go at this car, I would definitely take it.
11 Silly - Brute Pony
"Manufacturer of over-sized, eco-unfriendly vehicles designed for heavy-duty commercial use but mostly driven by soccer moms and drug dealers in busy city centres." Now look, I'm not saying that the van itself is ridiculous. It's much like every other themed van in the entire GTA franchise. It's the message that's ridiculous. And as the official description of the van might suggest, there is a very clear message here pertaining to dealing. I mean, com eon.
I know it says prescription drugs along the side but it also starts off by saying "Smoke On The Water." I can't help but feel like that is a very clear reference to something. And no, I don't think it's is particularly referencing just the Deep Purple song "Smoke on the Water." Now, given that it is now legal in several states, it could just be that this van was ahead of the curve on this one and had what was already medical-grade grass. That's entirely possible. That doesn't stop the whole notion of a prescription drug-selling van (legal or not) from being completely ridiculous. I mean come on. That should just be a given. Sometimes it's just too easy. I mean, funny...but easy as well.
10 Cool - Elegy RH8
"Born in the fires of Mt. Fuji and tested on some German toll road, you can finally legally own this legendary supercar without the fear of having your door kicked in by the FIB because they'd rather crush import cars than catch terrorists." Somehow, I have the faintest feeling that Rockstar sometimes gets a little political when it comes to how they describe their cars and what they're like and what they do. I've got nothing against it. I think it's hilarious that the game rails on about import issues through something as simple as the description of a car. It's the interesting and clever thing about the GTA franchise.
You might think it's all silly and pointless violence but there are quite a few points made. This particular set of wheels draws heavily from the designs of the Nissan GT-R. And that's not it. It also draws from the Infiniti G37 and the Nissan Skyline as well.
That is an interesting mix up of cars in order to come up with the Elegy, I have to say. And you know what? I can definitely see the GT-R quality of this car but I'm not well-versed enough to know how accurate the other two pieces of this car puzzle are.
9 Silly - BF Ramp Buggy
"Ever looked at a city-centre traffic jam and seen nothing but a long, glorious opportunity? It doesn't have to be a dream: with BF's Ramp Buggy, yesterday's gridlock becomes today's meteor shower in your rearview mirror. Note, the production model of this vehicle has reduced armor plating." Well, at least they warn you that there really is no armor to this little buggy that is meant for nothing else than to be used as a ramp for cars to jump from. I'm going to gather that a significant enough number of you have played GTA Vice City.
If that is indeed the case, then you may recall the transport truck that almost doubled as a ramp. It was more of a tease than anything else because you had to be very careful (especially if on a bike) about the lip at the bottom of the ramp because it would not sit flush to the ground, you know, so it could actually drive without throwing sparks everywhere. But the number of times I hit that truck, trying to jump and ended up just flipping off the side or face-planting off the bike...it's horrifying. And that is why I'm so glad that they introduced this Jump Buggy. It really does make a huge difference.
8 Cool - Duke O'Death
"It's not always clear whether your average uranium-eating survivalist is planning for the world to end, or planning to end it personally. And why not keep those options open with this special edition Dukes muscle car? Sure, it has the fuel consumption of an aircraft carrier in a headwind, but when the nukes start falling you and the cockroaches are going to have a blast." This is perhaps one of my very favorite descriptions to come out of the auto sector of the GTA universe.
What I love most about this car is that it seems like it's come right out of Mad Max. And maybe that was the point. I mean, the description does mention the world's end and being a survivalist.
And there are only two things you need to survive in Mad Max: petrol and water. I have to say that I love the supercharger on this machine and considering that it's heavily based on the 1968-1970 Dodge Charger, it is definitely right up my alley. Muscle cars really make my day and I would definitely not say no to a ride in one of these beasts. And why would I? I mean, I'll never get to in real life...so I may as well take every opportunity I can to do so in virtual life.
7 Silly - BF Injection
"Super reinforced shocks - perfect for cushioning when you are jumping sand dunes and landing with such ferocity that you bite your tongue in two." Alright, that is a pretty tame description for what is actually a very ridiculous car. And while it hasn't got much to do with the design, I'll be totally honest, It still definitely has a bit to do with it. After all, the BF Injection is mostly designed after the Meyers Manx. For those of you who do not know what that is, it was a kit car back in the day that was built from a VW Beetle. And I'm sure you could recognize the Beetle design here right away...and I'm sure you wished that it wasn't something you had to deal with at all in the game, unless you really just wanted to crash it.
The BF Injection hasn't always been the same in every game. In Vice City, it is not heavily based on a VW Beetle at all. But let's never mind that for now. Let's focus on the name of this ridiculous car. It's called the BF Injection. Now, think about saying "BF" a little faster and closer together and then say "Injection". Now, does it sound like you're saying "Beef Injection"? I think it does, and I don't think that's by accident.
6 Cool - Dominator GTX
"Step one: take the best-looking muscle car the 60's ever saw, and introduce it to the greatest American supercar of the modern era. Step two: leave them alone in a quiet garage with a few dozen shots of high octane gas, plenty of axle grease and nothing else to do. Step three: the Dominator GTX is born, and it's hungry. When your pedigree is this damn good, there's nothing wrong with keeping it in the family." I love this description mainly because it focuses on the fact that this car is a real muscle car forged by three great muscle cars...even if it does make that quip about "keeping it in the family."
This car was actually based on three very well-known and very classic muscle cars. The first and foremost would be the Ford Mustang. You can tell this from the side and top elements, I think. The Dodge Charger is up next to that which you can see thanks to the front face of the car. The front end intakes of the car, however, are pulled from a bit of influence from the Chevy Camaro. Three of perhaps the best-known and longest-running muscle cars jammed into one...I still think the Mustang is better.
5 Silly - Benefactor Panto
"The giant German carmaker's leap into the micro market. Designed for the narrow, parking space deprived roads of Europe, this is sure to stick out on the eight-lane freeways, and in the mile-wide parking lots of Los Santos, until you get crushed by an SUV driven by an over-medicated housewife." I think I will never tired of these awesome descriptions Rockstar has put out about their GTA universe cars. The thought and planning into each one of these things have got to be ridiculous.
That being said, I cannot stand this little car. You know why? Because I can't stand little micro cars like this one. I don't mind compact but I want to be able to fit my legs in the bloody thing, that's for sure.
And given that this car is based on the Fiat Punto, there is really not much I could ever expect in terms of room. How are you supposed to pick up and enjoy those "ladies of the night" that are so famous in the GTA universe? There is no room. This is basically the car equivalent of the Principe Faggio, I'd have to say. Not a lot of room, no style, and just absolutely ridiculous.
4 Cool - Cyclone
"The Coil Cyclone is here to prove one thing: the days of the internal combustion engine are over. Sure, it was fun while it lasted. Just like your psychotic, knife-wielding ex was phenomenal in bed. But that fossil-fueled comfort zone is about to be nothing more than a distant speck in your rear-view mirror as you surrender to this harbinger of the electric age. True power is here. Drive the lightning."
This is a very hot car that I really did manage to nail the influences from. It turns out that the main influence for this car is from Croatia. The car is called the Rimac Concept One. I've never heard of it but it does bear a striking resemblance.
In addition to that, there are apparently smatterings of the Koenigsegg Agera in here. I'm going to assume that it's all in the back end because I do not see anything from the Agera on this machine. Either way, it's pretty damn exciting. I love the way that the GTA universe clings to electric cars now. I mean...check out this description: "In the past, you'd have been forgiven for thinking that electricity was for the weak and environmentally conscious. Those days are over, and the Coil Cyclone is here to change your mind faster than a 1,000 volt blast straight to the jewels."
3 Silly - Attack-A-Taco
The full design of this van is pretty well all in-house and simply GTA-specific. I'm sure there are several vans you could point out that looks just like this but I don't think that really matters all that much. It's certainly not about the type of van this is that makes it completely ridiculous. It's the message that it sends...like every other themed van in the entire GTA universe, it seems. I mean...first off, the place is called "Kill That Hunger". Underneath that, it makes a taco/bomb joke with "Heavy Shelling". Then, in addition to that, it tells you to "Choose Sides." And given that this is a Mexican food truck, I'm willing to bet that this is a border reference. And while that is hilarious, and serious and ridiculous, it really isn't something I ever expected from Rockstar. I know that they always poke fun at politics and social norms...I just didn't expect this to enter into it. I'm glad it did but that doesn't change the fact that this violent taco van (with a decal of a grenade on the door) is more than a little silly. But why not? They might as well poke fun at all of those issues and make some people a little uncomfortable.
2 Cool - Banshee 900R
"The Banshee defines the modern sports class. Light, low, with sweeping curves and perfect lines, the only thing under its mile-long hood is a feral V8 twin-turbo fighting for space with its driver's colossal manhood. But trust us, the base model is just the start. When we're done, it'll look like your Banshee ate another Banshee at the peak of an all-night steroid binge. Eligible for customization at Benny's Original Motor Works."
This is probably one of my favorite cars from the GTA universe. It's just killer fast and has a really sleek look to it. And it's crazy because this is actually based on several cars from the 90s and I don't know if you remember those years at all but there were a lot of box-like cars back then. The Banshee is based on a mix and match of the Pontiac Firebird, the Dodge Stealth, and the Chevy Camaro. I have to be totally honest when I say that of all three of those cars I definitely see way more Pontiac Firebird in this car than anything else. And I'm ok with that, even if they don't make them anymore. At least, embodied and made sort of eternal in this digital world, you can still experience and enjoy these cars.
1 Silly - Alex's Dog'z
"Small, vehicular fast foot vendor. Believed to have been a mechanic who once worked with organized crime in Vice City. Constantly stoned. Friends with hippies." That is perhaps the lamest description to be found of any vehicle from the GTA universe. But, given that the guy who wrote description was probably also stoned at the time, I think it probably makes a little bit of sense.
I have to start by saying that it is kind of ridiculous to look at a hippie van (obviously based on the VW Bus Vanagon to some extent) and see a gigantic hotdog on top of it. I mean, I guess there's something there to eat if they get the munchies at least. Also, knowing that the owner of the van is rumored to be a former member of the mob, that immediately makes me question the quality and source of the meat in the van. And then you have to start talking about the slogan on the van..."1 foot of pure meat." Now, I know this is an obvious reference to Alex specifically and not to the hotdogs he sells, but that doesn't make it less ridiculous. That makes this van more ridiculous...like every bloody themed van in the whole GTA universe.