History has left us with no shortage of cars horrible enough to bash for days on end; you could make a Jay Leno segment dedicated solely to substandard automotive engineering (and spend about an hour trying to get through the first ten years). It’s no secret wisdom that there have been bad cars for almost exactly as long as there have been cars.

During the automobile’s inception, a lot of shortcomings were easy to forgive. After all, it takes time to work all the kinks out in any highly-technical application of engineering. But you'd think after a while people would get the hang of it and stop producing junk after so long. A historical analysis of production cars throughout history finds this not to be the case by any far stretch of the imagination; it’s even arguable that we are not even 30 years past some of the worst automotive engineering in the history of man.

However, if there’s one car that you wouldn’t expect to suck as badly as the rest, it would probably be the likes of a German-pedigree on one of the more premier platforms – such as BMW or Mercedes. They are known to produce some of the most prestigious automobiles in the world. Common knowledge could reasonably assume that they have this car-game down by now. But despite the technical density and sumptuous styling offered by these top-tier manufacturers, there are a few things that the Germans just can’t seem to stop messing up – no matter how hard they try.

20 They’re Pulling Control Right Out Of Your Hands

It’s no surprise that companies like BMW aim to be on the forefront of this cutting-edge technology and its application into the mainstream market; in fact, a reputable manufacturer like BMW is almost “expected” to have a production model operational by this time (which they do). As fascinating as this is to watch a fully autonomous EV slide around a demonstration platform as smoothly as the car is physically capable, this signifies the beginning of the end of an era where we actually “drove” our cars. To some people, this may not be a big deal, but to others – it’s like watching the muscle car era stand down to a four-cylinder Mercury Topaz with child-security locks.

19 Overly-Complex Panel Design

Despite the supremely-efficient nature of the highly-acclaimed engineering, the tendency for these automakers to lose sight of the ultimate goal sometimes surfaces at less than ideal moments, such as in the design of the on-off switch for the engine control circuit. Sure, it looks cool lined up along the row of switches – bright red accents offset by shiny chrome trim give it an elegant and important appearance – but despite all of the safety measures in place to disable the switch during vehicle operation, there’s just no need to have such important controls next to the mindless likes of a defroster button.

18 Overly-Complex Engine Design

On our side of the pond, we haven’t seen oil burners proliferate like they have overseas, but diesel power has been gaining a lot of momentum in the recent decade and has more than proven its ability to clean up its act – thanks largely to them (except Volkswagen, of course). So, while you may be mad that the oil filter on your BMW cost you $75, you can be proud that it’s the same engineering pedigree drove the Audi R10 TDI to the first diesel-powered victory into 24-hour LeMans race. Sure, maintenance may be expensive but if you wanted a Honda, you’d have bought a Honda.

17 Silly Gimmicks

I approach this next topic with the caveat that it’s said with the understanding Rolls-Royce is a company considered a cut above. The caliber of customer they service is drastically different as well as the expectations that befall them to service that customer to said expectations. An extreme example of their dedication to the craft was proven when a customer wanted a door mounted thermos holder. Rolls-Royce obliged by building a custom driver door for crash testing before subsequently producing a second door for the customer. All of this is exceptional, sure; but at the end of the day, a wine bar in the trunk is pretty silly even for the Rolls-Royce brand.

16 Catering To Jabronies

After driving the G class for 1,000 miles, a test driver concluded what you could have reasonably assumed to be wrong with $137,000 luxury truck trying to deliver off-road capabilities. Although there is probably some truth in his claim of the G-Class exhibiting a “tacked-on luxury” feel and a “tank-like” experience – is it a fault of the truck itself, or is it the expectations placed upon it by the prestigious badging it wears on its grille? What else do you expect from a truck that is trying to deliver such high expectations to such an exclusive market? Really, what messes with the G class is its inability to do anything as good as either a dedicated luxury car or a dedicated off-road truck – but it does both things half is good.

15 Kia GT Is Aiming For The M-Series

BMW and Mercedes are just two examples of enduring prestige that has been nearly untouchable for a long time – in a class of their own. Despite their perceived-invulnerability, an unlikely competitor has emerged on the horizon. A car company we all laughed at 20 years ago for just about every reason in the book is beginning to penetrate uncharted luxury performance territory with 365hp sedans intentionally limited to 167 mph – 12 miles far faster than most Mercedes’ 155mph limiter setting. If nothing else, the Kia GT is a direct foreshadowing of where the company intends to focus development in years to come. Buckle up motor fans! This should good.

14 Kia K900 Is Coming For The 7-Series

The exclusive performance market in Europe isn’t the only sector being targeted by the carmaker previously known as a thrifty producer. It’s an image that they have been diligently seeking redemption from and is made evident by the 420hp K900 that bravely goes where no Kia has ever gone before – respectability. It looks like it belongs in a parking lot full of Mercedes and BMWs at the country club – but sooner or later, somebody is going to find out that you barely paid $50,000 for it. The bottom line – Kia has a long way to go if it is to completely rebrand itself as a performance or luxury connoisseur, but the K 900 makes luxury attainable for even the cheapest of penny pinchers.

13 They Trade Levers For Wires

Although something of a design-preference, the proclivity for these automakers to substitute mechanically-actuated controls in exchange for a set of sensors, actuators, and wiring harnesses does not come without its downsides. Despite the cutting-edge nature of a fully electronic vehicle control system, reducing the driver’s authority to mere electrical inputs – rather than a solid mechanical connection – not only has its apparent disadvantages in the event of an electrical system malfunction, it gives the car a whole lot of control that it doesn’t really need. Although the dream of a fully automated car is right around the corner, there are certain aspects of vehicle operation that I would rather maintain in control of.

12 Too Good To Be True Usually Is

Contractors use the phrase: “Quality work, great customer service and good prices; pick two.” The anecdote outlines the linear variability between three common attributes of a contractor’s service. As this principle applies to the automobile – “Quality craftsmanship, prestigious nameplate and affordability; pick two,” would be the appropriate translation. Keeping that matrix in mind, think about what would happen if you had asked Ford to produce a $95,000 Ford fusion; stupid idea – right? The same principle applies when moving in the reverse, and when you see something that looks as clean and slick as a CLA Coupe, you should ask yourself how Mercedes is offering a car like this for around $33,000.

11 Already Lined Up On The Chopping Block

It may look sleek and Spartan as it poses for this amateur photo shoot outside of a loading dock (and in many respects, it is), but hot looks and cool styling may not be enough to save any models taking up space on the Mercedes-Benz sales floor. Mercedes research and development chief executive Ola Kallenius expressed the company’s willingness to cut certain models out of production after nearly 2 decades of constant expansion. While this hardly has anything to do with the particular car itself, the public’s unwillingness to adequately adopt certain models may prove to be the end of the line for them, including the SLC.

10 You’re Actually Buying A Racecar

Whether you like it or not, the added scrutiny that comes along with driving a luxury sports car is not misplaced; maybe you don’t “think” you’re better than other people just because of what you drive, but the fact is – you really are. Every purchase of a BMW or Mercedes helps to fund the expensive research and development projects that support all major manufacturer race teams – it is part of what you’re buying into. So, although you may benefit from that research as it is applied to your production model, you’re buying a whole lot of racecar that you aren’t getting to enjoy.

9 Everybody Thinks You Think You’re Special

One of the problems that nobody ever talks about when owning a premier luxury vehicle is the association that comes with the territory; two identical drivers could drive down the same street, at the same time, driving in the exact same manner – and without fail, the luxury car owner will incur more scrutiny for their driving behavior. Whether you merge into a lane closer than the guy behind would have preferred or failed to use your turn signal to perform an innocent lane change, any traffic discretion performed at the wheel of luxury sports cars gives people the impression that you think you’re better than them (even though you would have thought that anyway; BMW or no BMW).

8 Mercedes AMG S63 Coupe

Despite the fact that there are a few models a bit higher up the Mercedes food chain, the AMG S 63 Coupe is definitely a front-runner in their lineup. It was described by Car and Driver as having a “sumptuous interior, devilishly delightful powertrain and a cushy ride.” Any Car and Driver review authoring that level of literary beauty deserves a second look; the body styling alone commands its own share of rubbernecking. The 4.0L V-8 produces 603hp and the resultant three-second flat 0-60mph time shows it off proudly. As “sumptuous” as all of this sounds, AMG S 63 ownership will put you back $169,500. Conversely, a $90,000 Dodge demon produces 840hp and will blast past your S 63 to 60mph in 2.3 seconds all day long. If bang for your buck is a car buying philosophy you live by, save a bunch and drive a Demon. You don’t get much more bang than that.

7 S550

The Mercedes-Benz S 550 is a sleek looking automobile – there’s no doubt about that; the large sedan is a result of nearly 100 years of refinement in luxury engineering that amounts to exactly what you would think it would amount to – a top contender in its own respective field. What the S550 lacks in styling (as compared to other Mercedes in the current lineup), it more than compensates for with a rich platform of technologically-advanced gadgets and flashy lights. It would impress even a space shuttle; there are over 100 electric motors integrated into the S550 systems from bumper-to-bumper. All of this automation, however, comes at a price – everything has to break sometime.

6 The Opel Kadett Is The Pontiac Le Mans

By far, the first and most-severe party foul here is the fact that anyone would want to jump into any kind of business deal with the Pontiac brand. Pontiac has had its share of classics – especially during the muscle car era – but that hardly earns them enough street credit to pull even half of the stunts that they’ve pulled in the last 30 years. I could go on and list a catalog of models to Pontiac’s credit that have been complete failures, but all I really need to say is "the Aztek." The same company that built THAT thing also rebadged the Opel Kadett as a Pontiac Le Mans circa 1990. My personal rule of thumb – anything with the Pontiac emblem post-1972 is on the blacklist.

5 They Also Made This Thing

It would likely be a top running contender for one of the world’s goofiest automobiles ever produced, and it unsurprisingly also happens to be the feature-automobile of one of the goofiest television characters that’s ever been broadcast into our suburban living rooms at dinnertime. Known widely only as “The Urkel Car,” it also has a list of other distinguishing accomplishments that nobody has ever heard of – it was one of the top-selling “single-cylinder” cars in the entire world. If that’s not enough to drop your tree-hugging panties, maybe the fact that it was the first production car to achieve a fuel economy rating north of 78mpg might do something for you. Drive one, and you can expect to be as dateless as Steve Urkel himself – but you could probably buy an M-Series with all that money you save on fuel.

4 Mercedes AMG GT Coupe

You are currently staring into a well of infinite luxury, embedded with some of the most technologically advanced computer interface systems on the market today. The Mercedes AMG GT Coupe, for the 2018 model year, is refining the very definition of what luxury is – AMG style. Notwithstanding a state-of-the-art catalog of peripheral equipment on the inside – the exterior of the vehicle features laser sharp styling that can turn heads from a mile away. A 3.0L, turbocharged straight-six powers the AMG GT into different rated outputs (depending on the trim package) and although none of this is typically a con for any vehicle – once you put a few thousand miles behind the steering wheel of the GT, nothing else may ever be adequate again.

3 Wendax WL 250

Of all the technical and innovative failures permeating the history books of the last century, many of them fall into either one of two categories (in one form or another); failure resulting from ineptitude, and failure resulting from cutting the edge a little too sharp, a little too soon. We’ve seen it happen plenty of times, especially with automakers; Wendax was no different. Believe it or not, they actually had a variation of the Volkswagen transporter before the Volkswagen transporter was even a thing; they also produced the first passenger car after WWII – all of these things are something to be proud of. This, unfortunately, wasn’t enough to carry on the company legacy and a lack of quality materials would eventually lead to one too many jalopies on the roster for the likes of public acceptance.

2 The Cadillac Catera

We know it as the Cadillac Catera; Europe knows it is the Opel Omega B, but the entire world knows it collectively as one of the biggest rolling piles of waste to ever receive a transportation administration’s approval. Regardless of how well the 3.0L, V-6 passenger sedan may have done on the other side of the Atlantic, over here, it has been nothing but an over-engineered time bomb of expensive repairs that leave owners playing hot potato as they pass these cars away to the next unfortunate soul. From common design flaws in the oil pan drain plug all the way up to the very top of the air cleaner, this car never had any business wearing a Cadillac emblem.

1 Weaponized Lawn Mower

In case any of you have ever wondered what a German lawnmower looks like, now you don’t have to wonder anymore. All German lawnmowers come equipped from the factory standard with 22 mm cannons installed in place of the motor as perimeter defense is seen as a top priority over lawn maintenance; you never know when a British Sherman will pop out of nowhere. As comical as a lawnmower with a lead pipe Canon may look, there is much truth in this analogous iteration of the German proclivity for dual-purposed fighting machines. Prior to WWII they began manufacturing and retrofitting various equipment including aircraft for easy transition into wartime service despite the fact that they were not allowed to do so.

Sources: topgear.com, theminecraftserver.com, miniofmarin.com, wheelsage.com, jalopnik.com, dupontregistry.com, caranddriver.com, carscoops.com.