Alfa Romeo’s Stelvio Quadrifoglio is not the fastest SUV you can buy, or is it? To answer that question, we need to decide what matters most when measuring speed. Zero to 60? Top speed? Race course lap times?
Drag racing, while fun for some to watch, occupies a fairly narrow niche as far as motorsport television, online, and live events go, while land speed record attempts represent an even narrower subset, but instead when audiences for Formula One, NASCAR, MotoGP, IndyCar, WRC, WEC and the like are measured, we quickly appreciate that oval and road course-oriented series pull more eyeballs than any other type of motorsport events, Alfa Romeo actually fielding a team in the most popular series of all, F1.
This is also true for Aston Martin, but can’t be said for Bentley, Lamborghini or Porsche, or for that matter Audi, BMW, and Jaguar, but the four ultra-luxury marques and trio of more common premium brands nevertheless carry a lot of weight in ultra-fast SUV circles. With respect to drag racing, Lamborghini claims to be quickest off the line with its awe-inspiring Urus that shoots from standstill to 60 mph in an official 3.2 seconds (to calculate 0-100 km/h sprint times just add a couple of tenths), with a number of independent testers even achieving 3.0s. That’s mind-numbingly quick for such a big, heavy, mid-size SUV, but this is what 641 horsepower gets you.
Claiming speed records isn’t an exact science
Independent testers, which include old-school print magazines, webzines and plenty of youtubers, consistently prove that manufacturers rate their vehicles’ performance conservatively, with possibly the best-known old schooler of them all, Motor Trend, among those providing the just-noted best Urus number, as well as a second-fastest Bentley Bentayga Speed sprint of just 3.1 seconds, which is so much faster than Bentley’s official 3.8-second test it’s as if the British brand loaded it up with the Queen’s jewels before its official run.
A quick search of 0-60 times for these two SUVs will result in plenty of variance, which is the case for each and every competitor in this category. So many factors come into play when performance testing that it’s near impossible to make the claim of fastest in any given parameter, even if we were to run each competitor on the same track with the same driver, back-to-back. The track temperature, which can vary dramatically from moment to moment, can make a significant difference to traction and therefore acceleration times, and that’s just one factor. All we can be sure of is that today’s fastest SUVs are shockingly quick compared to those that came before, and that it’s possible that the official runner up in this sector could potentially become the drag strip title holder in an ideal setting.
Only Lamborghini’s Urus beats the Stelvio Quadrifoglio in a straight line
That runner-up would be Alfa Romeo’s Stelvio Quadrifoglio, if you hadn’t already guessed, and its second overall sprint time actually makes it quickest off the line in its smaller, more affordable compact luxury crossover SUV segment. It’s faster than Audi’s RS Q8 too, an SUV that shares much with the more exotic Urus, the German doing the deed in a respectable 3.7 seconds, but that mid-size model doesn’t really compete in the same small SUV category.
Mercedes-AMG’s 503 horsepower GLC 63 is a direct rival, however, needing 3.8 seconds to accomplish the go-fast task, or so claims the German automaker (the “S” version only seems to be available as a GLC Coupe on MB’s US retail site for 2021, but it’s the only V8-powered regular-bodied GLC available in Canada, hitting 60 in 3.6 seconds), while others in the same category include Jaguar’s 550 horsepower F-Pace SVR, BMW’s 503 horsepower X3 M Competition, and Porsche’s 440 horsepower Macan Turbo, all rated at 4.1 seconds, while Audi’s similarly sized SQ5 is playing serious catchup at 5.1 seconds due to just 349 horsepower. Aston's 542-hp DBX, incidentally, is surprisingly sluggish at 4.3 seconds to 60, or at least that's what the automaker is claiming.
Having only tested some of the SUVs on this list I was curious how the Stelvio Quadrifoglio stacked up, because my seat-of-the-pants assessment had me giggling like a schoolgirl when foot floored the throttle. Truly, the only thing better than feeling such forces of inertia pressing backside rearward into the Quad’s aggressively sculpted Alcantara and leather-clad driver’s seat was the omnipresent cacophony of engine machinations and crackling exhaust. If this isn’t the best sounding SUV ever created, I don’t know what is. Maybe Ferrari’s upcoming Purosangue will rival its elder cousin, but it’ll need to be spectacular to come close.
Unbelievably quick and always in control
This is when I learned this SUV can’t be driven slowly. It’s simply not designed for it. Don’t get me wrong, as it’ll hum along the interstate with the best of them, and it’s equally at ease when piloting around town, but the temptation to twist Alfa’s rotating DNA drive mode selector to “d” for Dynamic or “RACE” for even more intensity (albeit the unusual combination of lowercase and uppercase signage for this dial messes with my inner OCD), and then melt the tarmac at takeoff just for the sake of screaming tailpipes overwhelms any sense of responsibility. I’m weak. I’ll admit it.
I get weaker when said road starts to wind, and the Quadrifoglio simultaneously gets stronger. This is where the little Italian really comes into its own, where whatever tread hasn’t been burned off its 255/45R20 front and 285/40R20 rear Pirelli P Zeros grip asphalt with greater gumption than most sports cars, defying its seemingly top-heavy, utilitarian SUV stance. The slightly squared-off leather-wrapped sport steering wheel offers just enough meat for absolute control, the latter improved by plenty of tilt and telescopic reach plus excellent seat adjustability, while the long magnesium shift paddles, appropriately fixed to the column instead of the wheel, provide precise response with each easily located tug.
Race course lap times matter more than splitting hairs from zero to 60
This isn’t where I could possibly search out the Quad’s best-in-class 177 mph (285 km/h) top speed, such shenanigans probably best left to some future European test (fingers crossed), but doing my utmost to match the super-fast Alfa’s production SUV lap records at Silverstone (2:31.6), Donington Park (1:21.1), and the Indy Circuit at Brands Hatch (55.9) is a worthy goal, not to mention its 7:51.7-minute run around the famed Nürburgring Nordschleife, a title it held for some months before the aforementioned GLC 63 S spoiled the party with a 7.49.369-minute single lap time of its own.
Either way, both are faster around the 12.9-mile (20.832-kilometre) “Green Hell” than the next-best Porsche Cayenne Turbo S that finished its lap in 7:59.7 minutes, or a Range Rover Sport SVR that managed the harrowing circuit in 8:14, so until one of the previously noted VeeDub-bodied super-SUVs takes up the challenge, they’re the official kings of this hilly, mountainside track.
To be totally fair, a Urus recently dethroned the Stelvio Q to take top honors at a favorite track I’ve spent a lot of time on, Laguna Seca (speaking of hills), pulling off a 1:40.9-minute lap compared to the Alfa’s 1:43.5. Still, respect to the smaller Italian that punches way above its class and price point.
The Stelvio Quadrifoglio is hard to beat for performance and luxury value
You can get into a 2021 Alfa Romeo Stelvio Quadrifoglio for just $80,750 ($98,995 CAD), which isn’t much more than the similarly hyper-fast GLC’s $74k ($94,900 CAD for the slightly quicker S model), but that price is only a third of the $222k ($285,000 CAD) needed for the Urus, while W12-powered Bentaygas cost even more. The RS Q8 will set you back about $115k ($126,500 CAD), incidentally, so the bevy of slightly slower yet still impressive compact SUV competitors mentioned earlier are more directly targeted.
All offer eye-arresting styling and interiors filled with contrast stitched leathers, pseudos, brushed and polished metals plus panels of glossy carbon fiber weave, and none are notably better at combining all of the above as Alfa Romeo. The Stelvio Quadrifoglio’s cabin provides all the wow factor most anyone could want, as it appears impeccably crafted.
Alfa has also improved the infotainment display since I last tested this model in four-cylinder form, making it more graphically intuitive and therefore easier to use, but also more customizable thanks to a simple drag and drop widget system. It does everything any of its competitors do, plus adds some really cool performance pages showing boost, torque, lateral Gs, etcetera.
Purists will be glad the gauge cluster keeps electronics to a minimum, slotting a useful multi-information display between dual analog gauges. The Quad is mostly about driving anyway, so anyone having a problem with a speedometer and tachometer spinning dominantly in front of them is probably in the wrong SUV.
Practical yes, but this SUV’s got soul
That’s not to say it lacks tech or practicality. It’s filled with all the expected advanced driver safety and convenience features, plus the good driving position mentioned earlier combines with an equally comfortable and supportive front passenger seat, plenty of space in the second row for most body types, as well as three seatbelts across for family use, three-way heaters for the two window seats, dual USB charge ports, great ventilation and more, whereas the nicely finished cargo compartment is generously sized, fitted with a handy aluminum track system for tying down gear, and expandable by ultimately useful 40/20/40 split-folding rear seatbacks.
All of that’s great, and should keep a marriage with this zesty Italian working long after the honeymoon is over, but unlike some relationships that can get stale after routines set in, I can’t fathom the passion between this SUV and its driver ever ending. The Stelvio Quadrifoglio has that special something that few SUVs manage to emulate, especially in this compact class. It’s almost as if this little family hauler has a soul. I’m sure you’ll fully understand what I’m talking about when taking one out for a drive, and drive it you must.