10 Cars Jeremy Clarkson Can't Stand (And 10 He Actually Approves Of)

Mr. Clarkson is not an easy man to please; a car has to hit all the right buttons to be on the fellow’s wish list.

The man, the myth, the legend; John Wick might have come to mind when someone says those words but our dear old friend Jeremy Clarkson is also a viable candidate for those titles. Mr. Clarkson has been in the game for so long now and he has without a doubt amassed a substantial amount of knowledge about automobiles in general. The trio of James May, Richard Hammond, and Jeremy Clarkson are one of the most recognizable TV personalities of recent times in the car industry. Suffice to say they know a thing or two about vehicles assuming they remember all their years of talking about them.

Mr. Clarkson is not an easy man to please; a car has to hit all the right buttons to be on the fellow’s wish list. With that said, many cars have been featured on Top Gear and The Grand Tour with the intent of wooing Jeremy, some more successful than others. It is no secret that he has some biases against certain brands and manufacturers and it hinders his ability to be completely objective on the show but that is just a classic Jeremy Clarkson trait. Throw in his typical humor and we have ourselves an incredibly entertaining spectacle.

One might find his thoughts rather questionable and even offensive at the worst but there is no denying that Mr. Clarkson is one sharp gentleman who knows what he wants and would not settle for less. We just hope The Grand Tour will continue to be an epic production.

20 Clarkson Scoffs At – Nissan GT-R Track Edition

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via litchfieldmotors

Many JDM fanboys will certainly take offense at Jeremy’s dislike for Godzilla. The GT-R is arguably the most influential Japan-made sports car with a very rich history in racing and a huge part in the Fast and Furious franchise. It is no secret that Clarkson loves fast cars and the GT-R Track Edition is most definitely a fast car so what went wrong?

Apparently, the GT-R is a bit too much for our dear old friend as he deems it too dangerous to drive at high speeds. The majority of gear heads such as ourselves might not agree with his conclusion on this car but hey, he is entitled to his own opinion.

19 Clarkson Scoffs at – Zenos E10 S

via carmagazine
via carmagazine

"It has no doors, no windows, no sun visors, no radio, no carpets, and no roof of any kind. I have encountered better-equipped pencils. It has a Looney Tunes power-to-weight ratio, and that means it is bloody fast. You know the track is where it belongs really.”

Simply put, the Zenos E10 S is a full-blooded track car that one should not think about using in public roads on a regular, mundane drive. However, book a track day in the Zenos E10 S and it will most likely blow anybody’s socks off. Jeremy, do you know what else doesn’t have all the features of a daily driven car? A thoroughbred track monster, that’s what.

18 Clarkson Scoffs at – VolksWagen Scirocco 2.0 TDI

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via surf4cars

Quite a questionable decision from VW’s higher-ups. What in the world were they thinking; a 2-liter diesel engine two-door coupe that looks quite like the Golf GTI? The blunders don’t end there though since the Scirocco suffers from reliability issues a lot. Jeremy tried this automotive anomaly out and one of the things he said about the Scirocco was "As an overall package, it did nothing all week except remind me how much I wanted a Golf GTI."

Yeah, you’re probably right, Jeremy. Why would a manufacturer make another car to compete with one of their best-selling models though?

17 Clarkson Scoffs At – Porsche 911

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via motor1

Jeremy Clarkson’s distaste for Porsches and everything Porsche is well recognized in the car community. He thinks that all Porsches are simply glorified beetles. As one would imagine, this does not sit quite well with Richard Hammond, being a Porsche enthusiast himself.

Regardless, Mr. Clarkson sticks to his word even when presented with one of the greatest hypercars to ever grace the earth. This just goes to show that even the sharpest of men can get senile and stubborn with age. Just one drive with the Porsche 911 and it will exude the confidence of a Lewis Hamilton or a Michael Schumacher in any driver.

16 Clarkson Scoffs At – Ford Thunderbird

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via rmsotheby's

Ah, classic Jeremy Clarkson, he has always had a way with words (sarcasm implied). People have probably seen the Ford Thunderbird in old, classic movies; some even in newer ones. We admit; the style is definitely not for everyone. It’s acutely retro vibe is attributed to the fact that the Thunderbird was released way back in 1955, that is well over half a century ago!

Maybe it is just best that we refrain from letting Jeremy see another Thunderbird until it eventually grows on him. One thing is for sure though, some people really dig the '50s era appearance.

15 Clarkson Scoffs At – Ferrari F50

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via supercars

Mr. Clarkson has stated that the Ferrari F50 was the worst in Ferrari’s long history of building race cars. It would be incredibly hard to agree with him on this one since the F50 is without any doubt fast, is capable of setting insane lap times around any track, and looks great in every angle.

Its sibling, the Ferrari F40, is a legend in its own right and is increasing in value by the year and the F50 is at a relatively affordable price tag of around half a million dollars as of the moment but we expect that number to increase in the coming years so one could say this Ferrari is a rather good investment.

14 Clarkson Scoffs At – Rolls-Royce Corniche

via carraigehousemotorcars
via carraigehousemotorcars

Rolls-Royce takes pride in their efforts of ensuring all their vehicles are built by hand to guarantee a product of the highest quality possible. Jeremy Clarkson would strongly disagree though as he once said: "Hand-built is just another way of saying the door will fall off.”

If we take that statement at face value, it is quite true; machines do a far better job at manufacturing vehicles. However, hand-built cars have more character to them and don’t feel like inexpensive chunks of metal. A massive 6.75-liter engine powers the 1972 model but its completely awful transmission takes away what little fun is to be had.

13 Clarkson Scoffs At – Audi Q8

via motor1
via motor1

Jeremy’s main qualm with the Audi Q8 is this is the exact car as the Q7, the Porsche Cayenne, the VW Touareg, the Bentley Bentayga, and the Lamborghini Urus as all of these brands are owned by a singular manufacturer thus they feel exactly alike! Take out a few distinct features and they will surely have the same shell.

At first glance, the Q8 seems like a viable choice for a grocery getter and a great all-around daily driver and there is nothing wrong with that at all except for the fact that it does not have an option for 7 seats and there are limited engine options to choose from.

12 Clarkson Scoffs At – Mini 1499 GT

via bmwgroup
via bmwgroup

The moment Jeremy laid his eyes on the Mini 1499 GT’s chic stripes and Union Jack side mirrors, he was admittedly pretty excited. Unfortunately, he was not impressed when he started driving it. Despite its turbocharged 1.6-liter engine, Jeremy felt that the power was absolutely nowhere to be found.

“It’s so uncomfortable around town that you’d be better off walking” were the exact words he wrote on his official review of the Mini 1499 GT as well as “Its top speed is unknowable: no one has enough time to find out.” Ouch! The people behind this car better step up their game.

11 Clarkson Scoffs At – BMW X1 xDrive25d

via motor1
via motor1

Now, it would not be fair to say that Jeremy Clarkson loves every car that BMW makes even though it might seem that way as he considers the brand as a godsend and everything they come up with is a gift.

Behold the X1; we’re not quite sure how BMW found a market for it as they already have the X5, the X3, and the X6. Considering that the X1 is selling like ice cream on a hot and sunny day, we can safely conclude that BMW definitely made a great move with the X1. According to Jeremy though, this does not mean that the X1 is a great car per se.

10 Clarkson Approved – Mazda MX-5

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The updated look is light years away from the previous generations and absolutely everyone loves it, including Jeremy Clarkson. There is something incredibly satisfying with the driving experience of the new Miata. Being a lightweight, raw, simple, and eager sports car, it will rekindle anyone’s love for driving. It would be best to take the Mazda MX-5 out to mountain twisties instead of the drag strip as it only has a top speed of 133 mph, quite disappointing for a car that is technically a performance vehicle.

The best way to enjoy this convertible is to attack corners with the wind blowing in your face and messing up your hair.

9  Clarkson Approved – Alfa Romeo 4C Coupe

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A “Ferrari puppy” as Mr. Clarkson would call it; the Alfa Romeo 4C is quite a sophisticated vehicle to say the least. While lacking the power and panache of a true flamboyant sports car, the 4C is still a truly enjoyable machine to drive around town in. Of course, we would not leave out important information such as Alfa Romeos are not the most reliable cars of the bunch but they are cars that one should buy with the heart and not by our brains.

With many of its competitors like the BRZ and 86 already laying down footholds in this category, it would be hard for the 4C to gain a substantial following.

8 Clarkson Approved – Mercedes-Benz GTS AMG

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There is something about twin turbo V8s that spew out whopping horsepower numbers that just feels raw and unadulterated, pair this with an unusually wide body, a rear wheel drive set up, and a Mercedes-Benz badge then we have got us one delightful machine.

It absolutely does not surprise anyone that the GTS AMG does a great job at dropping Jeremy Clarkson’s jaw, another thing great about this is the GTS AMG has proper doors instead of gullwing doors like its more expensive sibling has as Mr. Clarkson politely pointed out on the show. For less than £100,000, he calls this a bargain which is hard to agree with.

7 Clarkson Approved – Ford Focus RS

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The era of hot hatches is slowly coming to a close much to the dismay of Jeremy. Ford’s best hot hatch in the Form of the Ford Focus RS apparently tug at his heartstrings since he did run a Ford Escort RS Cosworth way back in the ’90s. “It feels like a Nissan GT-R” he claims as the blistering pace of the Focus RS is enough to keep him on his toes while out on a spirited driving session.

Not only that, the Focus RS is a pleasant car to drive even at mundane speeds as well which is a wonderful trait.

6 Clarkson Approved – Ford Mustang GT

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Naturally aspirated V8 Mustangs are simply gratifying to behold, the distinct sound, the pops, and crackles, the scent of high octane fuel, all of these combine into one amazing show for the senses not to mention that sinking feeling in the pit of our gut when it accelerates from naught to 62 miles per hour in astonishing time.

Jeremy did admit that the Mustang GT is flawed and there is much room for improvement, however, all these imperfections are what make the Mustang great. It has abysmal fuel consumption but who cares about that anyway? It goes fast, therefore any argument is invalid.

5 Clarkson Approved – BMW M2

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There is so much to say about the BMW M2 and many car enthusiasts including Jeremy Clarkson proclaim the same thing; the BMW M2 is the best BMW that has ever rolled off the factory (sorry E46 fans).

It is quick, nimble as a cat, and small which means one can throw it around corners and get a nice skid out of it. The car's looks are not something to be ashamed of either as it looks as aggressive as a pit bull on the prowl. One would be lucky to be at the wheel of a BMW M2 on a track day at the Nurburgring.

4 Clarkson Approved – Lamborghini Aventador

via car and driver

Ever since Lamborghini started building machines that were capable of putting Ferraris in its lane, people have been going on and on about The Raging Bull, our dear buddy Jeremy Clarkson included. When he heard the Aventador's V12 sing and when he saw the sweeping lines of the body and its sharp edges, he couldn't get enough of it!

Arguably, it is a step above all other production supercars including the ones made in Maranello except a chosen few. The Lamborghini Aventador is a halo car for some and rightfully so; we can't really blame anybody for falling in love with the all-out insanity of this high-performance vehicle.

3 Clarkson Approved – Lexus LFA

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No other V10 engine sounds as satisfying as the one in the Lexus LFA and Mr. Clarkson can testify to that. Its 3 exhaust tips right at the center of the rear bumper is an incredibly nice touch that really highlights the sportiness of the vehicle. One of the 500 LFA’s ever made is even sitting in Jeremy Clarkson’s garage as you read this; he loved the LFA so much that he even bought one for himself!

“It’s an intelligent car built by intelligent people. In some ways, it’s raw and visceral; in others, it’s a lesson in common sense. Engine at the front, two seats in the middle, and a boot you can use,” he once said describing the Lexus.

2 Clarkson Approved – Mclaren P1

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Suffice to say that the only people who can even buy the Mclaren P1 belong exclusively to the upper echelon of society. Mr. Clarkson was taken aback when he experienced the P1 in a good way and that is saying something since he doesn't get excited all that much for anything!

The P1 is the absolute best McLaren could offer and they certainly did not disappoint. Its huge maintenance costs would pile up quickly though but if someone can shed a million bucks for a car then they can definitely let go of tens of thousands more for mere running costs right?

1 Clarkson Approved – Ferrari 458 Spider

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Ferrari has a plethora of models from which patrons can choose from but one of the bestselling lines is that of the 458. The perfect blend of luxury, speed, and flamboyance in the 458 is apparent when one can experience it first hand as Jeremy Clarkson did. Saying he enjoyed the experience would be quite an understatement to say the least since he went all out bonkers driving the car.

Numbers and statistics are important of course, nobody can dispute that but we can never quantify the number of smiles per gallon, as some would say, to how someone would feel at the wheel of the glorious Ferrari 458 Spider.

Sources: Drivetribe.com & Driving.co.uk

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