Motorcycles have always been one of the coolest ways to get from point A to point B. Once manufacturers started modifying bikes into Choppers (and Boppers), the coolness level skyrocketed. By radically modifying the steering angles while lengthening or shortening various parts of the bike, the Chopper quickly became a rider's dream. Nowadays, companies like Harley-Davidson even build some of their own choppers from scratch.
Gone were the simpler days of getting from Point A to B in the coolest way possible. Choppers were mean, angry, wild, and rebellious... they had personality. With so many insane variations, people could look and feel as cool as they wanted to be.
Like all things in life, however, there are those who wish they could be as cool as you but only end up embarrassing themselves. There have been countless failed attempts throughout Chopper history, but on this list, I'll show you the 10 most awkward, shameful, and downright illogical Choppers ever made.
Luckily, this list also has 10 of the coolest choppers ever made, so fasten your seat belts, grow your beards, blast some heavy metal, and get ready to be blown away.
17 Cool: Zero Engineering Type 9 EVO
Zero Engineering is well known as the father of the Samurai Chopper. This wasn't good enough for them, so they took their already cool reputation to new heights with the Type 9 Evo.
Based on an old-school look, this chopper is no oldie. Zero took two years to perfect their brand-new frame to bolster the four-link suspension system.
This groundbreaking technology allows the Type 9 EVO to maintain its old-school looks while giving it a much more modern feel. The ride is shockingly smooth, and the handling is up there with the very best in the chopper world.
16 Senseless: Uno Dicycle
Is there anything cooler than a hardcore chopper? Well, definitely. Uno decided that having a wheel in the front and the back of the driver was too mainstream, so they used a couple of clown films as inspiration for this absolute abomination on wheels.
Not only is the wheel design ridiculously inefficient; it's also ridiculously hideous. It's as if Uno was trying to be hip by doing exactly the opposite of what's considered cool.
To make this even more nonsensical, the inventor (Ben Gulak) admitted that the Dicycle was "scary to speed up on." Not only was this thing ugly; it was incredibly useless as well.
15 Cool: Deus Ex Machina Grievous Angel
Deus has never made a bad chopper, not once. Every single time they produce one, it's crafted into a beautifully angry machine. Amongst those bikes is the Grievous Angel, their signature model. This beauty might run like an angel, but she makes any rider look like the meanest villain in town. Dare I say, Angel of Death?
Eye-catching gold calipers are one the few colors you'll see on this blacked-out chopper... if you can manage to look at them as the Angel roars by your rattled eyes.
14 Senseless: Jaguar Motorcycle
Uhm, what?
Jaguar has an excellent reputation in the world of sports & luxury cars. They're fast, sleek, comfortable, and downright gorgeous. One might imagine that bringing that prestige into the world of choppers would be an excellent idea.
Well, whoever they hired to create this atrocity should be fired and sent to the deepest, darkest depths of the Internet's troll haven.
It might seem decent at first glance, but imagine some middle-aged, Dad-bod dude in acid wash jeans riding this thing around town. Just picture it... mounted upon the rear end of a shiny Jaguar. It's just wrong!
Hopefully, I don't need to get into more detail; I think the image is forever scarred in our minds.
13 Cool: BMW R9
Oh, BMW. You've done it again.
In 1980, the BMW R80G/S was the first adventure bike to feature a large displacement engine, creating a segment of bikes that has exploded ever since.
The R9 (no, not Ronaldo of Brazil) pays tribute to the R80G/S by staying true to its retro design and classy finish. Fitted with a 1170CC air-cooler boxer engine pushing 110 horsepower, this beauty is truly loved for its aesthetically pleasing charm.
12 Senseless: BMW K1
With every success, there are failures along the way. For BMW, the K1 was amongst the worst.
Yes, BMW has made some of the coolest bikes of all time, but the BMW K1 is one of the most aesthetically challenged pieces of machinery the world has ever seen. They were suffering some sort of identity crisis in the late '80s/early '90s ...if it wasn't obvious enough.
Coming in at nearly $12,000, this oddling was no cheapie. Oddly bubbly at any angle, the BMW K1 is thankfully lost in history, duped by its company's own future productions.
11 Cool: Ferrari V4
Ferrari. Is there any word more synonymous with AWESOME?
For years, Ferrari has absolutely dominated the supercar world, so this concept superbike looked to do the very same. The designer, Amir Glinik, designed this beauty based on the Ferrari Enzo's V12 engine, microsized into a bike-sized speed demon.
Naturally, the main colorway is a fierce red, sure to catch the eyes of anybody standing in its way. Although Ferrari is still working on this concept, it's surely one of the coolest bikes ever designed.
10 Senseless: Harley Davidson Electra Glide
Harley Davidsons are always cool... right?
Right... except for this one. The Electra Glide is that one guy in the cool-kid group that everyone pretends isn't really there.
The name sounds like a cheap hybrid car, and the tires look like they're made for one, too... they're tiny!
The bike itself looks like it was made for a retired policeman stuck in the '80s and cruising down some unchallenging straight 10 miles below the speed limit.
9 Cool: IZH-1 Hybrid
Oh, look... an actual hybrid bike this time... BUT IT'S DAMN AWESOME.
In 2012, the IZH was conceived with a 120 HP engine paired with a 60 kW electric motor (sending power to the rear wheel). This makes for an extremely quick bike with equally impressive fuel economy.
Basing its design of the original IZH-1 of the 1920s while implementing various modern elements, this hybrid is a heck of a lot cooler than most bikes on the market. Huge, red-detailed tires and a sharp, pointy frame are the main attractions of this beauty.
8 Cool: Gustav Skippone
Nobody knows what the name of this bike really means, but who cares?!
Yuri Shif designed this "Beast from Belarus" to be a one-of-a-kind animal. It's creamy colorway beautifully wraps around a body that seems almost unfinished, giving the Skiponne a raw yet classy feel.
The V-twin motor is quite the charmer as well, churning out 95 HP and purring like a lion as its shreds down the roads ahead.
7 Cool: The Anti-Venom
John Paul Jr has created many outlandish machines, but the Anti-Venom stands as his signature bike. Having aired on American Chopper, this beast looks like Spiderman's evil twin brother... except... it's a chopper.
Stylish web designs wrap around the flashy yellow paint and bespoke rims, making the Anti-Venom one of the most unique rides around.
6 Cool: OCC Eragon Bike
Based on the movie Eragon, OCC created this absolute behemoth of a chopper.
The Eragon is created for dragon riders only, so beware before mounting it. The extremely low, laid-back frame is wrapped in dragon blue, with a leather seat made only for those worthy of riding it.
The bespoke rims match perfectly with the sharp handles, making this one of the coolest one-off bikes ever made.
5 Senseless: Victory Vision Chopper
The Victory Vision is meant to be a comfortable touring bike, and it does just that.
Unfortunately, it comes with a slew of downsides, including looking like it was designed by a 2-year-old with a blue crayon.
Victory attempted to change the game with a wide array of changes to the norm, most notably, its side airbags—not exactly the greatest idea for a touring bike. Add that to the fact that almost nobody in any bike forum seems to like its looks, and you have one bike that truly makes no sense.
4 Cool: VertiGo Electric Bike
It isn't every day that you hear "electric" and "cool" in the same sentence. This VertiGo is here to challenge that.
The electric engine delivers massive amounts of instantaneous torque to the wheels, something a regular combustion engine will never accomplish. Equipped with a fully electric drivetrain, this truly electric bike can speed by the majority of bikes out there.
The design is sleek and lowkey, unlike the kick in the ass that instant torque will give to anyone willing to push its pedal to the metal.
3 Senseless: Siemens Smart Chopper
Another electric motorcycle... Surely, it's at least half as cool as the VertiGo. Sadly, that couldn't be further from the truth.
The only thing smart about the Smart Chopper is its environmentally friendly paint job (water-based). This hideous piece of shameless marketing has a range of 60 miles, hardly enough for a road trip of any kind.
Try to imagine a typical chopper guy riding this... it's downright embarrassing. Thankfully, it's nearly impossible to buy one.
2 Cool: Triumph Bonneville Bopper
I always like to save the best for last, and the Triumph Bonneville Bopper is just that.
This imposing machine encompasses all that's cool. Its blacked-out body gives it a fiercely muscular look, with a road-presence like no other.
Couple this iconic design with an angry, roaring exhaust sound, and you have the most beautiful two-wheeled machine to ever grace the Earth.
I applaud you, Triumph.
1 Senseless: Whitlock Tinker Toy
We've seen the best, the coolest, and the weirdest... but it's time for a complete jolt of the illogical.
I present to you the Whitlock Tinker Toy, a bike that makes even less sense then Donald Trump's haircut.
Mr. Whitlock strapped together 16 engines... yes, sixteen Kawasaki 3-cylinder engines to create the 48-cylinder, 4.2L engine that powers the Tinker Toy. To put that into perspective, the Bugatti Veyron hypercar has "only" 16 cylinders, while the average car has 4, and the average chopper, even less.
Noteworthy fact: Holds the Guinness World Record for the most cylinders amongst any vehicle.
Absolutely bonkers.
Sources: www.jalopnik.com; www.coolmaterial.com; www.popularmechanics.com