If you're a true man, you'd never let anyone else tell you what you should drive. So, we aren't going to do that. What we're going to do is let you know what you'll look totally stupid driving, and you can make your own decisions. You shouldn't drive any of these cars if you're a dude. It would be a huge mistake. With pretty much every one of these cars, you're required to give up your man card if anyone sees you driving it.
The cars are on this list are all American made, and they all fall into one of three categories. Some are cars that pretty much only a chick would drive. Now, that doesn't mean that if you're a guy you can't drive one; all it really means is that if you do, the rest of us guys are going to point and laugh at you, either to your face or behind your back. Others are the exact opposite, and by that I mean cars that show that you're trying way too hard to be cool and to show everyone just how manly you are, which basically makes you a total fail. The last type of car that a man should never be seen behind the wheel of is a car that's just plain old bad. If you're a dude, then you should at least know enough about cars to not buy one that's totally awful.
No, just please, no. The PT Cruiser was supposed to offer a modern version of some of the classic cars of the 1950s and 1960s, but what it really ended up doing was just looking totally stupid. I apologize in advance if you were one of the very few men who actually thought this was a good-looking car, but if you were, there really is no excuse, and you deserved to be shamed for it.
There's literally no way that any guy can look cool behind the wheel of the PT Cruiser.
If you don't believe me, let's play a little game—picture George Clooney behind the wheel of this car, and then picture yourself pointing at him and laughing.
19 Geo Tracker
What kind of man would ever get behind the wheel of a Geo Tracker? We're not sure that we want to know. This car is supposed to have a combination of being rugged and outdoorsy, while at the same time being fun and something that young people would want to drive. Can anyone say "fail"? This really looks like something a chick might like—but only if she wasn't all that smart. If you're a guy and you think that this is cool, you might want to stop reading this article now before your feelings get even more hurt. This car isn't rugged enough to go offroading, handles poorly, and looks ridiculous. Guys should never drive this.
18 Jeep Liberty
Jeep is the kind of brand that's supposed to be popular with dudes, but they've had their share of vehicles that no guy should want to drive, and one of them is the Jeep Liberty.
This vehicle was designed to keep up with the crossover crowd, but it really doesn't do the job in any way.
It isn't good off-road and isn't nearly as tough as other Jeeps. So basically, if you're a guy and you're seen in one of these, it sort of shows that you wanted to buy a cool manly car but that you didn't know what you were doing and bought this instead. You might fool some people when driving the Jeep Liberty, but you won't fool anyone who matters.
17 Dodge Neon
Okay, just no. This car used to be extremely popular, really for no good reason other than chicks seemed to like it a lot. Usually, if you were to see someone driving a Dodge Neon, it would be some chick in her teens or in her early 20s with a bunch of other girls riding along, either going to the mall or going out on the town. There are a lot of other cars that are worse for a guy to drive. Although the Neon is pretty awful, the main reason that no guy should drive this particular American car is that chicks love it, so, therefore, it's thought of as a chick car. Sometimes, it's just that simple. Stay away from the Neon if you're a dude.
16 Pontiac Sunfire
One might think that if you have a convertible, any convertible really, that people will think you're all cool and manly, but nothing could be further from the truth. For example, the Pontiac Sunfire is cheaply made with a lot of plastic and aluminum.
The design of the car isn't at all impressive, and the performance of the car is pretty horrible.
This is one of those things that, as a guy, you either get it or you don't. And if you don't get it, you're going to look pretty stupid. It's way better to not have a convertible at all than to be driving around in an awful one and acting like it's cool. Don't be that guy. Don't drive a Pontiac Sunfire.
15 Dodge Magnum
Good God... this is a ridiculous-looking car. Why would any guy possibly want to drive this? Station wagons aren't cool. We understand the need for someone to buy them, but that doesn't make them cool. Nor does it make them something that a guy would want to drive.
Dodge tried to make this something a guy would like by using a Hemi engine and calling it a "Magnum" because, you know, when you say the word "magnum," it sounds super manly.
This car didn't take off at all, and it's no wonder why. You can tell your typical guy how cool a station wagon is as long as you want, but it still won't be cool at all.
14 Chevrolet Avalanche
The Chevy Avalanche was supposed to be a totally manly vehicle, one that any guy would love to be seen behind the wheel of, but what it turned out to be was a vehicle that was loved by soccer moms and all sorts of other women on the go. This is sort of the ultimate insult. When you make a vehicle that's supposed to be something that guys think is really manly, then it turns into something that women use to drive their daughters and their friends to go shopping at Abercrombie and Fitch at the mall, you know that you have a problem. You know who else has a problem? Guys who drive a Chevy Avalanche.
13 Anything Purple
What's up with purple cars? Who are they actually supposed to be appealing to? I suppose a woman with an image problem might want one so she can be all "Oh hey, look! Here I am pulled over at a red light and all sorts of people are looking at me! I am so cool!" but the real reason that people are looking at you is that your car looks so totally ridiculous. This is even worse if you're a guy. There are only two things that one can totally count on in this world: one is that the sun will rise in the morning, and the other is that if you're a dude and you're driving a purple car, then people are going to think that you're a total idiot.
At one point, it would've been ridiculous to put the Hummer on this list. When people saw the very first Hummers before they became watered down and mass produced, they really were manly and the type of thing that turned heads. But as soon as they started to become popular, they completely stopped being manly.
Pretty much every guy who got one wasn't even slightly manly, but such guys wanted to be thought of as manly.
Now, this might sound complicated, but the one thing that makes a guy not manly is if he tries too hard to look like he is. The Hummer was doomed and became a joke about guys who tried too hard to be cool.
11 AMC Pacer
Some of these cars, you pretty much would never be able to find even if you wanted to, but they still deserve a spot on this list—in the Hall of Fame category, if you will. Some of the cars that were made over the years would be so ridiculously embarrassing for a guy to drive around in that it would be criminally negligent for us to not put them in this piece. One of the most, if not the most, ridiculously bad American cars that any guy worth his salt would feel stupid driving around in is the AMC Pacer. This car is so hideous and lame that any guy who ever thought he was cool driving one should have to hand in his man card immediately.
10 Chevrolet Uplander
My God this car is awful. As one person said, "This thing had limited power from a crappy engine and didn't even have fold-flat seats when that was the norm in all other minivans. The best part was the design was GM's attempt to make a minivan that looks like an SUV, but instead, it looked like an SUV in drag." I couldn't have said it any better myself.
Chevy tried to make a minivan seem like it was kind of tough and hardcore, and instead, they made something that neither guys nor women would ever drive.
If you're a dude and you ever bought one of these or even test drove one, all we have to say about that is "Shame on you."
9 Chevrolet Malibu
Next on the list of cars that guys should definitely avoid is the Chevy Malibu. Remember how awful the Chevy Cavalier was? It just made the cut as one of the cars that no man should drive but was beaten out by the Malibu because, at least, the Cavalier knew what it was supposed to be and didn't pretend to be anything better. The Malibu was presented as a family sedan, and not only that but one that actually was supposed to be halfway decent. It wasn't at all. In fact, it was totally awful. Now, we understand that not everyone can afford the car that he wants, and if you're a dude and you bought one of these used because you were broke, we forgive you. But if you bought one because you wanted it, well, shame on you.
8 Ford Escort
There have been a variety of different types of Ford Escorts over the years, and they all have one thing in common, which is there's basically no guy in the world who's ever looked cool in any of them. In fact, the Ford Escort is often used in a description of a guy who has a miserable life. For example, "He's the type of guy that has a bad marriage and a job he hates and drives around in a Ford Escort." In no way at no time should any guy ever think of having a Ford Escort as being anything cool to drive, although we understand if you buy your girlfriend one because it's cheap and tell her what an awesome car it is.
7 Ford Aspire
The name of this car in itself is just totally awesome. The Ford Aspire? Are you kidding me? The common joke is that the guy driving the Ford Aspire aspires to drive anything else. This car pretty much has nothing good going on in any area, which is bad enough, but to then give it a name that tries to make it sound like it's cool makes it even worse.
If you're a guy going to pick up your date while driving a Ford Aspire, then you might as well just turn around and go home.
It isn't true at all that all women are looking for a guy who's rich, but it's true that no women are looking for a guy who drives a Ford Aspire.
6 Ford Probe
Another awful American vehicle that no man should drive is another that has a totally awful name, the Ford Probe. This car was a complete fail. It was supposed to be a muscle car and compete with the Mustang, but when you're a front-wheel-drive car with no V8 and you're a rip off of a Mazda, then competing with a Mustang is probably not an option. Is it any wonder that this car failed? If you're a guy and you were looking for an entry-level sports car, all buying a Probe does for you is show the rest of the world that you really don't know what you're doing. And that isn't really the goal of any man.
5 Any American Minivan
This might sound like a cop out, but it needs to be said. In fact, this whole article could be made up of nothing but minivans. There's pretty much no reason at all for any guy to buy a minivan, and I mean ever. I suppose maybe you've made a bunch of life choices that might make it seem like a minivan is the way to go, but that's your fault, not the rest of the world's. Maybe, and I do mean maybe, your wife bought a minivan and every once in a great while you have to drive it around to get the kids where they need to go—that's fine, and we understand. But don't think we aren't going to laugh at you for it.
4 Dodge Shadow
The odds of seeing any man driving one of these around these days is pretty slim, but that doesn't mean that it still doesn't deserve a place on this list.
If you're a guy and you find yourself behind the wheel of this, you best be wearing some sort of disguise so people don't recognize you.
In fact, maybe this is why they called these cars "shadows" after all—because you're going to wish that you can hide in the shadows if you're caught driving one. Any guy who's ever thought about owning one of these should just move closer to work so he can ride his bike or walk there every day, just to save some face.
3 Chevy Chevette
Yes, we know that it's almost impossible to find one of these anymore, but this car still belongs here as one of the most humiliating American built cars that any man could ever own. I mean, come on... it's called a "Chevette" for crying out loud. Is there anything that screams out "not manly" any more than that? Would you buy a Mercedes Benzeette, a Fordette, a Jaguarette? I could go on and on, but I think you get the point. And it wasn't just the name. This car is awful. If you got 60,000 miles out of it before it died, then you were doing great. This car is a fail as is any guy who ever bought one without having a gun to his head.
2 Chevy Citation
This is another car from the way-back machine but is also another American car that no guy should ever have driven. The Citation was awful. It was supposed to compete with all of those great Japanese cars that all of a sudden Americans were buying, but instead, it just proved to everyone how much more work American car manufacturers had to do to compete against them.
On any list of American cars that no man should ever buy, there's no way the Citation doesn't belong on the list.
We get that not every guy knows a lot about cars, but let's face it—every guy should know better than to buy one of these.
1 Jeep Commander
The Jeep Commander is the kind of car that you might think of as the type of thing a real man might buy, but the simple fact is that this Jeep is pretty much a fail. It was meant to compete with the Hummer, which pretty much doomed this vehicle from the start. I mean, seriously... no one thinks that the Jeep Commander is cool, except for the people who drive a Jeep Commander. It's too big to handle well like a Jeep Grand Cherokee and too small to really roll with the big boys. The point really is that when you drive this vehicle, it pretty much tells the world that you're compensating for something and that you're trying way too hard.
Sources: jalopnik.com; mensmagazine.com