You may be asking yourself, what is a squid? Well, it’s pretty hard to define, but here it goes. A squid is a term commonly used to describe someone riding a motorcycle with a lack of common sense. Urban Dictionary describes a squid as someone who overestimates his abilities while riding and is overconfident and arrogant despite having zero relevant skills.
Basically, a squid is the hipster version of a motorcyclist. Purists dislike them because they’re obnoxious and over-the-top. Squids are also predisposed to causing a ruckus on the streets/roads they drive on, which angers other regular drivers. So, a squid is not a compliment. No one really knows where the term “squid” comes from, but there are a few acronyms, including “Stupidly quick, underdressed, ignorant, and dangerous.” That sums it up pretty well.
Squids are also all about modifying their bikes, despite having no firsthand knowledge about how to do so. And unlike a smart person who will seek help from professionals, they prefer to do it themselves, despite their lack of wisdom. And the end result of these modifications can get pretty ugly, which is why we’re here, to point out some of the worst mistakes and ugliest mods in the squid world.
Most squids ride Suzukis or Yamahas or Hondas—something fast and reckless. But just because they look fast and powerful doesn’t mean bikes like the Suzuki GSXR or Yamaha R1 and R6 should be underestimated. And it doesn’t help when a squid gets one of these bikes and then ruins it with some “cool” mods.
Let’s take a look at 20 of the ugliest squid mods.
It seems like ever since Sons of Anarchy, big fairings are making a comeback when they really shouldn’t be. And then you have monstrosities like this, with a fairing that looks like it’s half the size of the bike itself! It’s a shame, too, because this bike actually has a pretty sweet color and nice chrome and saddlebags. But it’s clearly been modified by a squid who is trying their hardest to fit into a group that they just don’t fit into. This rider should probably stick to his café racers, and not try to modify any bikes for a while. And if you thought you were safe from flipping over the handlebars after cranking the front brakes, think again with this weighty thing!
Who scrunched this bike so badly? What happened? It looks like it was pressed together from end-to-end by a car smasher at a junkyard. Seriously, how are you supposed to sit on that tiny Z-shaped seat? And why is the tail so high up? There are so many questions to ask here and no answers. Also, the wheels don’t match whatsoever.
Edit: As it turns out, this car was rear-ended and smashed, but the owner on Reddit described that his VLX turned out this way, and he kept the unintentional mod! People should definitely leave the customizing to the professionals, especially when your bike ends up looking like this and you “like” it.
Most stretched bikes don’t look good, period. The limo design really isn’t suited for motorcycles, but don’t go telling that to a determined squid! What we have here is a case of the builder trying to do too much. This bike just looks crazy in basically every aspect: the oversized rear wheel, the stretchiness, the extended swing arms, the ugly neon green dragon paint job. This looks like the kind of bike that a toddler would draw—a bike they hope to buy when they’re older—but when the toddler grows up, he takes a look at the picture one day and shakes his head, tossing the sentimental drawing in the trash. That’s what this looks like.
Good thing this motorcycle doesn’t actually represent the USA, or else the country would really get a bad rep. This bike is another case of “doing too much,” where it looks like it wants to camouflage into the desert, ride on a BMX course, and wave the Stars and Stripes all at the same time. It’s completely overdone and tacky looking, not to mention the wrap or desert-themed beige paint job looks like it was printed at Kinkos before it was slapped onto the motorcycle. We suspect that any real veteran from the US wouldn’t be seen in the same room as this thing, much less ride it around. It’s simply too flamboyant and out of control.
Extended handlebars are a mainstay of many types of bikes, especially modded Harleys and back-leaning choppers. If you’re the right body shape and your bike looks cool enough, it can put off a pretty mean/menacing/don’t-mess-with-that-guy appearance. But this is just ridiculous. Handlebars this high would not only be uncomfortable but would also probably hurt your body in the long run. Not to mention the aerodynamics on this thing would be completely off, and if you hit the freeway you’d probably end up flying back off the bike from your body being used as a parachute from any kind of wind! Luckily, this ugly mod is an easy fix.
The Ninja ZX6R is a 600cc class motorcycle from Kawasaki that was first introduced in 1995 and has been constantly updated throughout the years to compete with Honda, Suzuki, and Yamaha’s updated bikes. Luckily, this modification you see here is NOT one of the updates from the Kawasaki staff. This is clearly the work of a misguided squid who doesn’t know any better. But he or she will certainly know better once any living human sees this thing and tells him or her what a mistake it is. This bad looking white Ninja could be awesome if it was just . . . normal. There was no reason to make this bike into a limo, even if you’re trying to seat more than one person. That can be done without having to stretch out the body so hard.
This is a pre-squid squid mod. Not only does this bike look really dumb, but it also looks very dangerous. And this couple is clearly on the freeway, which will make you cringe and want to look away before the still image becomes an accident in the making. It doesn’t help that these hippie squids look like they’re from the ‘70s (which they probably are). The oversized front-end part here doesn’t make any sense at all, and the dude’s girlfriend is about to flip right off the back! The couple is basically sitting on the rear wheel, which adds a lot of unnecessary and dangerous weight, as if they’re riding a unicycle.
When you look at this modded “Odioso,” you might think it belongs to a 10-year-old girl or boy, as a kid’s powered “motorcycle.” And you’d be wrong. This 1980s Ducati was actually modded by an actual person who supposedly knows what they’re doing. But they clearly don’t know what they’re doing, or else they would have never given it these cheesy pink and bright green bars, the tiny wheels, the smatterings of blue in random places, and the white frame. You got all the colors of the rainbow here, and the end effect is not a good one. It looks like someone couldn’t decide what they wanted to do to their bike, so they just did everything and called it a day.
Not really sure what to think here, other than “Oh, no.” This white, overly slammed bike is the work of someone with too much time on their hands and not enough knowledge in their breadbasket. The front wheel on this thing actually looks pretty cool, even though the back wheel is nonexistent underneath that white, slammed covering. The chrome also looks intricate and stylish (for a squid), but it’s wasted on this sad excuse for a modified motorcycle. This bike really looks more like an art piece, or a sculpture than a bike—in fact, it was probably built by an art student, rather than by a professional motorcycle modder.
One of the most outstanding and instantly recognizable parts of a bike are the exhaust pipes (unless they’re covered by the frame). Having a cool chrome set of pipes sticking out the sides is a great way to show people that you mean business and that your bike is awesome. But what we have here is a failure to notice that, when the Squid in Charge wrapped his or her exhaust pipes purely for cosmetic reasons. The rest of the bike looks pretty sweet, and exhaust wraps can help the performance of a bike by acting like a fire blanket, but the wraps on these pipes literally make the pipes look like vacuum hoses that belong in a house, not on a motorcycle.
Let's leave the skulls and flames to people like Richard Rawlings and the Count's Kustoms. It’s really an overdone cliché to have a bike’s frame completely covered in flames and skulls. Granted, we’ve definitely seen worse flames than the stylish ones on this bike. But the overall effect makes you look like a newbie squid, which this builder probably was, and isn’t going to do you any favors on the roads or track. If the purpose is to look intimidating to your contemporaries, this isn’t going to do the trick. And it especially won’t do the trick when you’re seen riding around in a T-shirt, flip-flops, and board shorts, which seems to be pretty standard squid attire.
The headline calls this a “RoboBike” because it looks like something that RoboCop might ride. Which is all fine and dandy . . . if you’re living in a dystopian, science fiction world. But in the real world, this much chrome just looks tacky and overzealous, and it’s also annoying when sunlight is constantly reflected off every inch of your bike. It’s really not necessary to chrome out your bike like this when really the insides, exhaust, and wheels are the only things that need to be chrome. But some people like to take things to the extreme, and this is a perfect case of someone going overboard with the modifications.
Wait, what? Putting holes in the airbox of your bike clearly must be a squid thing. It appears that instead of simply putting holes in the door of the airbox, which can be replaced with stock parts, later on, some people take it upon themselves to put holes in the airbox itself. This is a huge problem because if you run into any issues, you might need to replace the entire airbox, which involves a whole lot of work, taking apart half of your bike, and swapping parts out. This would be a very expensive project if you’re not doing it yourself. And let’s be real, most squids aren’t doing any modifications by themselves.
If this bike was simply matte black, it would probably be pretty sleek and righteous. But as it stands, with the muffled carbon fiber parts, it’s a mistake. Squids will tell you that saving weight on your bike will increase speed, which isn’t untrue, and carbon fiber is a great way to save weight. But the problem is that the money you’re going to spend far outweighs the minuscule amount of speed you’ll increase from shaving weight from your bike. Cheap parts like carbon fiber can add up quickly, and they really don’t make your bike look unique. They make it look like a designer purse from Gucci.
At first glance, you might be wondering if this is a motorcycle or a Pokemon. Well, it is, in fact, a motorcycle, but it looks pretty silly. Trying to anthropomorphize your bike is probably not a great idea, and it just makes your ride look cartoonish. Unless that’s the look you’re going for, the “demon eyes” shown here are really backfiring on the meanness level. These lights also scatter the beam, which makes them less useful than stock lamps, and they’re over $500 to install. So unless you want to shell out that kind of money for your bike to look like Charizard, then you should probably focus on performance before style.
Putting animal fur on your bike is a big mistake in so many ways. First, good luck if you ride up on any PETA member—they might quickly become NRA members and put you in the crosshairs. Also, it just looks stupid. You don’t need your motorcycle to look like Chewbacca came riding in on it (RIP Peter Mayhew). This isn’t a “bold” decision or unique customization—it’s tacky and impractical. And good luck if you run into any moisture at all, which will quickly seep into the bike’s fur, then into your parts, and then will ruin your engine. And we’re not just talking about rain, but literally a sprinkler could do you harm.
This old school contrivance called a “get-back whip” is a fad that should probably go away—especially because they’re now illegal in many states. Get-back whips spring from an older time when bikers would wear these decorative leather leashes around their clutch to display the biker’s club colors and affiliation. They could also be used quickly in case of “emergencies,” or violence. But the problem is multi-fold: 1) They’re dangerous to other drivers and riders because they can whip around while you’re riding. 2) They’re illegal in many states. 3) They’re stupid looking. Unfortunately, these once-exclusive accessories are now every squid’s favorite trinket.
A top box is sort of like a saddle bag, but they go on the back of a bike. They’re used to hold things, which is pretty necessary for many riders. There isn’t anything wrong with having storage options on your bike. But there’s a line being crossed here: a sports bike is probably not the correct motorcycle to be using a top box on the back end. For one, it will diminish your handling in a big way. Two, the overall style of the bike is severely hampered by this gargantuan thing. If you’re really needing storage that bad, it’s probably best to sell your Sportster and get a commuter bike instead.
To close it out, we’ll focus on one of the modifications that effects bikes the harshest and most frequently with newbie squids: tacky, ugly wraps. It seems like every new rider and their mother is out to get the lamest wrap out there, as if they’re trying to outdo everyone else’s tackiness. This chomping shark wrap looks pretty lame, no matter how well made the wrap is. They look clumsy and cheesy, like you wished you were living in a cartoon, and no motorcycle purist is going to give you the respect you think you deserve if you pull up to a red light on a bike that looks like this, even though it’s a BMW.
References: morebikes.com, bikebandit.com, reddit.com, jalopnik.com