Defining a squid in the motorcycling world is a tad tough but they have a definite see-it-and-you-know-it feel about them. A squid is basically a newbie rider who believes in his riding skills a little too much, meager as they may be. And so, a squid loves to show off, even if what they do ends up in an epic fail instead.
The term “squid” is not even from the motorcycling world, per se, but actually comes from surfing. Back in the day, when a surfer did not have enough control of his board and zig-zagged over the waves before crashing, he was dubbed a squirrelly kid. This shortened to squid and became a slang term soon after.
Next, it began to be loosely used for skateboarding, biking, and more until the term finally reached the motorcycling world, albeit with more or less the same meaning. A squid is a biker with tenuous—if any—control over their bike, who still thinks the world of themselves. Squids are also the bane of any road, with pedestrians nearby often scrambling for safety and motorists going out of their way to avoid a mishap. They are loud, their bikes are louder, and their behavior is nearly unbearable in its brashness.
Basically, squids need to stop doing these 25 things with their motorcycles right now.
25 Too Many Decals
Only squids are capable of doing something like this. Most of us would rather go to the mechanic to get a dent or a nick repaired. Squids don't—or won't. They don’t believe in repairing their machines and would rather give their rides the DIY treatment. Using decals on your motorcycles is perfectly fine but using it to hide scratches and dents is the opposite of taking care of your ride. So, if you notice an excessive amount of decals on a bike and they're all placed rather chaotically, the rider must be a squid.
24 Stunting In Traffic
According to RideApart, stunting is a bad idea if it is done without any proper training. Frankly, that should be common sense. Most stunts are dangerous to both riders and passersby. Squids are famous for performing stunts that are either senseless or completely unnecessary. They assume that they are ready for a Fast and Furious film but all they end up doing is causing mayhem. So, if you find such riders who suddenly pop wheelies on a busy road pointlessly, they're squids. And remember, when driving alongside a squid, they often take corners and curbs at top speed.
23 No Style, No Knowledge
Squids are full of style (or so they think) and bereft of substance. One such example is that fact that they actually know zilch about their rides. Most of us know that all the vehicles come equipped with a tool kit. That’s a standard norm that all the automakers follow. And toolkits are pretty handy when and if something goes wrong—like with spark plugs. You can fix a lose or faulty plug using the tool kit that’s typically located somewhere on the body of the motorcycle. However, squids don't even know where the toolkit is, let alone the spark plug.
22 Preening Like Peacocks
If you see someone on their motorcycle clicking selfies left, right, and center—know that they are squids. And also please realize that after they are done clicking the pics, they then start sharing an overabundance of them on social media. While there are plenty of biking groups that have gone global online, squids love to show off their rides more than they actually like riding them. It’s alright if they want to show their prized possessions to the world. But taking a selfie while you are riding around recklessly is rather foolish and can cause spills instead of thrills.
21 Carbon Fiber Builds
You should not tamper with the mass of the motorcycle. There is a reason why the manufacturer has made it weigh a certain amount in the first place. Squids replace a lot of the metal on their bikes with a lot of carbon fiber—as per their whims and fancies—to make their rides lighter. They assume that this will make the bike move faster and figure it’s a cool thing to do. According to Going Faster, it looks pretty distasteful and weakens the frame of the motorcycle, making it prone to skidding and, well, denting.
20 Always Go Cheap
All of us look into our bank balances before making a purchase, settling for somewhere between desire and budget, and that goes for bike modifications, as well. None of us would like to shell out more money than we have to on a motorcycle. That said, we'd still not want to compromise on quality. However, squids often prefer to go for the cheapest parts available on the market for their mods and repair jobs. Sadly, like with all things that are cheap, these cut-rate parts might just give away in a few weeks but they nonetheless satisfy a squid’s palate.
19 Senseless Style
A proper biker can tell just by looking at a motorcycle if it belongs to a squid or not. A lot of us do try to make our bikes look more handsome by buying accessories from the automaker or from mod shops. And mods can add to the appearance of the bike—if they're done right. However, squids believe in taking their imagination to a new level. If you spot a motorcycle in your neighborhood that’s decorated in the tackiest and brightest way possible, the owner has to be a squid. Why? Because squids have to have attention, be it good or bad.
18 Riders In The Storm
The biggest drawback of being a biker is the fact that we have to cope with the harsh weather. When it’s raining, most bikers find shelter and wait out the worst because they prefer to stay dry and safe. However, if you’re a squid, you can and will just ride through the rain like a superhero. Nothing can stop a squid because they think they’re tough enough to ride in the rain. According to Motor1, this is a bad idea because two-wheelers end up skidding in the rain faster than you can say, "Foolhardy."
17 Wrecks Are Badges
For an adept biker, a wreck is something to be slightly ashamed of. Being in a wipeout means you aren't that good a rider and need more experience on the road. None of us would be proud of any of the wrecks we get wiped out in, be it on bikes or in cars. However, squids don't brush off crashes but own them rather self-importantly. They consider being in a scrape as a badge of pride for their so-called toughness. They and their ride survived—and squids are proud of that. We non-squid folks are prouder of not being in a wipeout in the first place.
16 No Safety Gear
Another thing that makes squids stands apart from the rest of the biking crowd is their dressing sense. Squids think that riding gear isn't fashionable and they often skip it in favor of clothes they think they look the best in. The thing is, proper riding gear can handle all the riding stress a road can throw at you. Tough riding gear can also take plenty of spills, keeping the rider safe in the long run. But squids don't care; they are tough as nails, even if their riding shorts leave them with bruises and bumps all over.
15 Backfires Are Fun
Backfires are natural and can happen with any motor, be it in cars as well as motorcycles. It occurs mostly because of an issue with the engine, a weak fuel pump, or clogged fuel filters. Most of us run to the workshop immediately and get any backfires fixed as soon as possible because we’re worried about the engines of our rides. Plus, backfires are annoying. However, squids intentionally make their rides backfire, not aware of the fact it can and does damage the engine.
14 Unsafe Mods
As long as you know what you are doing, it is okay to fiddle with your ride. There are plenty of custom shops and mod experts who can make your rides look and perform stunningly. Squids, on the other hand, think they’re the experts and make modifications that are awful. Like in this picture, why would you want to remove the front brakes? That’s out-and-out unsafe. Removing the mirrors—thinking that it reduces the drag—is another good example of a squid’s foolhardiness.
13 Racing On Roads
A lot of us daydream about racing while riding a motorcycle. Frankly, we daydream about racing even while playing video games! Some of us are lucky to be talented enough to race in amateur or pro racing events. However, if you spot a reckless rider on the street who’s dressed in a jacket or a shirt bearing fake racing numbers and badges all over it, you just spotted a decorated squid. They love to race on the highways, risking other commuters' lives and they find this act impressive. The cops chasing them aren't the least impressed, though.
12 Parking Is Tough
Motorcycle kickstands play an important role in the design of a bike. It’s not just about parking your ride in an easy manner, it’s about the manner in which you park your ride using the kickstand; the stand has to be resting on secure, firm, and flat ground. Keeping in mind the weight of the motorcycle, bikemakers have their own customized types of kickstands. However, squids still manage to park their bikes on anything but terra firma. Then, when they lean over for a selfie, they all fall down!
11 Piece Of Cake
Most newbies assume that a motorcycle is an easy ride, akin to jumping on and vrooming off. Well, wrong. Every rider must know the knickknacks of a motorcycle before they embark on a bike journey. Surprisingly, there are a few who think they know best and massively overestimate their biking aptitudes. They eventually regret it all in the end but till then, they don’t miss a single opportunity to show off their knowledge. Yup, we are talking about squids who know nothing but think they know everything.
10 Motorcycle Mismatch
It’s true that most of us don’t realize that our choice of wheels has got to be related to our physical size. Smart bikers buy muscle bikes that can hold them and their physicality elegantly. And some larger-than-life bikers look for comfort and sturdiness in their bikes. Squids often end up ignoring their body type and make the wrong choice. They end up buying a motorcycle that’s either too big or too small for them. The result can be absurd and somewhat entertaining for the watcher—but rather uncomfortable for the rider.
9 "Upgrading" Tires
This is a common phenomenon with most vehicle buyers, be it of cars or motorcycles. Many newbie drivers or riders exchange their stock tires with new ones and do it on the very first day. The new details may look cool in your head but when you do nothing but city driving, bigger tires make no sense at all. It’s even worse when you upgrade to super-fancy and large racing tires when the bike is never going to hit the tracks. This is exactly what squids do. Remember, racing tires don't do well outside tracks because their grip is flimsier and their shelf life a lot shorter.
8 Riding An Animal
This is something that animal lovers would not like at all. On the other hand, the rider who has got this fur mod on his ride may himself be an animal lover. That said; this is one ugly ride. Regrettably, it’s a rather infuriating trend among some of the motorcyclists. Squids think fur looks exquisite on their motorcycles and makes for a more comfortable long ride. In reality, with this decoration, the ride becomes a laughing stock, as does the rider. You cannot be a serious rider with all that fur.
7 A Harley Wannabe
Every cruiser is not a Harley—but someone please go tell the squids that. The legendary Harley-Davidson brand is a big name in the biking world. In fact, it is looked upon as one of the most iconic biking brands of all time. Even the non-motorcycle enthusiasts know how big it is in the world of motorcycles. It is understood why all the Harley owners love to show off the accessories, stickers, and decals that they get from the company. But a Harley sticker on a Yamaha can only be the fantasy of a squid.
6 Poise And Posture
Well, this is something that even a non-rider can figure out. The right posture on the bike is a must—not just for looks, but for balance. Except, that is, for the fact that squids have to do things differently and are a constant blight on the motorcycling community. They lounge on their motorcycles as if they’re in the driveway, just because they want to show to the world that they’re over talented. If the joyride hits a rough patch, well, they are in for a bad spill.
5 Trash Talking Bikes
All of us love our prized possessions. We love to extol their virtues and justify our belief in the brands we are loyal to. It could be anything: a car, a motorcycle, a refrigerator, a TV, etc. Most of us would badmouth other brands only if we have had some bad experiences associated with a product we bought and used. But squids love to talk negatively about motorcycles that they have never even tried (or rather, that they could not afford). When you haven't ridden it, don't trash it—lest you sound like the fox who called the grapes sour.
4 Helmet, Why?
A helmet is a must for all bikers. In fact, all serious bikers know the importance of good riding gear, especially the helmet. The brain is what needs to be protected the most, so wearing a helmet while riding should be a complete no-brainer. However, a squid can prove you wrong. Squids think it’s macho not to wear any safety gear. Also, they'd rather have the wind in their hair rather than the brains in their heads. Even the best of riders can take a spill and by not wearing a helmet, squids prove they are a tad half-baked.
3 Rev Happy
When there is someone who’s constantly revving his ride at a stop light, you tend to glare at the rider rather than checking out the motorcycle. It is very common and very irritating for the motorists around. Squids tend to be at their revving best when there is a large motoring crowd around because that is when they can get the maximum attention. And for a squid, any attention is good. Revving the throttle once in a while is fine—if the bike has an exceptional exhaust note. Otherwise, it's just noise pollution.
2 One For The Road
Some riders think it’s cool and convenient to have a small cup or glass holder placed on the handlebars so that they can drink while they’re riding their bikes. Why? Well, we don't know the reason why; just that it is unsafe and silly. If the road is rough and patchy or you’re at high speeds, the contents can and will spill because of Murphy's law. The spill could hurt or distract the rider and lead to a mishap. Cupholders belong in cars and not on bikes. It's better to stop over for a good meal than risk life carelessly. And when it is one for the road, make it water or coffee.
1 Setting Off Alarms
This one falls into the “truly annoying” category of all the squid habits we have discussed so far. Squids take immense pleasure in showing off their newly-acquired bike and its alarm system. They consider the alarm one of the coolest things ever and constantly set it off to broadcast their squidliness. Some of them even have specialized alarms that no one would like to hear—like ever. According to Reddit users, this is one practice that needs be silenced forever and we heartily agree.
Sources: RideApart, Going Faster, Motor1, and Reddit.